Tycoon

Did anyone see ITV's challenger to The Apprentice last night - TYCOON? What a pile of dog shit! Why does anything shown on ITV look absolute rubbish? I cannot remember the last time I saw something decent on the channel.

Tycoon featured a blurred cocktail of average nobodies with crap ideas who were hoping to make it big as an entrepreneur. The ideas ranged from the idiotic to the absurd - a woman with a new vodka and fruit drink for the marketplace - yeah like there isn't 500 different ones available already. Said woman took two weeks to come up with a name for her beverage and then devised its only USP - it's 'refreshing'! Brilliant, have £20k love.

How about the old biddies trying to flog gardening gear to 'girls only' - pink wellingtons etc. Pure inspiration! Peter asked them to come up with a new name because their original wasn't appealing enough to a wider audience - they agreed on 'Sod' although my choice would've been 'Compost Slags'.

The best idea however was a guy who 'invented' a bag to transport carrier bags when you go to the supermarket - it was so groundbreaking that we didn't even get to see it. He did somehow manage to sell some though, possibly to his mum. The guiding investor for the show Peter Jones lacks the guile, aggression and aura of Mr Sugar but he does have his own coat of arms apparently:

http://www.peterjones.tv/index.cfm?fuseaction=PeterJones.About_Article&content_id=53

Genius!

I wonder if my good friend Fat Edgar has his own coat of arms? A wheel of Edam flanked by a couple of sizzling sausages perhaps? Send me a pic and I will post it on the site!

Anyway, I am now off to invent a radio controlled pigeon that fly around London dropping liquorice torpedoes on unsuspecting Japanese tourists.